i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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