Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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