I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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