It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize