wrigley field is MILF paradise
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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