he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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