I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize