I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize