I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
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I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So here I am, sexting at work.
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