You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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