Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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