Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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