hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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