so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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