A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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