Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
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My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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