im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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