I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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