He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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