i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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