so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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