Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
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My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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