just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
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Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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