Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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