So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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