I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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