fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize