oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
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No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My vagina is officially offended.
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My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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