just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize