Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
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can u get pink eye on your cock?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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