this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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