The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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