I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize