That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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