so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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