So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
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i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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