hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
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I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
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I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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