Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
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Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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