If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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