Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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