jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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