It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
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It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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