do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Two words: nipple clamps
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