"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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