You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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