the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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