So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my shit smells like andre
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I licked your asshole in confidence.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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