Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize