having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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