did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize